"How was the walk?" "Fine." End of conversation.
Talking about feelings with children aged 6 to 9 doesn't always happen by itself. But the way home from a walk, or dinner that evening, are often good moments: you've shared something and there's plenty to talk about. Here are questions and small games to open that conversation without forcing it.
Why put feelings into words
Pediatricians at the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) describe a way of supporting children's feelings sometimes called emotion coaching: notice what the child is feeling, put it into words, and let them know that all feelings are OK, even when a behaviour isn't. They also recommend listening properly, without judging.
The AAP also suggests making talk about feelings part of everyday life, with grown-ups sharing their own feelings too. A walk offers lots of openings: something exciting, something tiring, something a little scary.
Questions that tend to work better than "how was it?"
- What was the best part of the walk? And the least fun?
- Was there a moment you felt proud?
- Did anything surprise you?
- If the walk were weather, would it be sunshine, clouds or a storm?
- What would you tell someone who didn't come?
Open questions leave room for unexpected answers. And if the answer is "I don't know", that's fine too.
Four games for talking about feelings
1. The weather inside
Everyone says what the "weather" is like inside them: sunny, cloudy, windy… The AAP mentions comparisons like the weather as a simple way to describe how we feel.
2. Two at once
Look for two feelings from the walk that happened together: "I was happy and tired", "I liked it and it was a bit scary". They all count.
3. Faces in the notebook
Draw three faces on paper (happy, so-so, sad) and let everyone point to how they felt at different moments of the walk. No explanations required.
4. Me too
The grown-up goes first: "I was annoyed when we got lost, but then I laughed." Sharing our own feelings makes talking about them normal at home.
What to avoid
- Correcting the feeling. "Don't be sad, it's fine" tends to close the conversation. Try: "It sounds like that made you sad."
- Interrogating. If they don't want to talk, respect it. It may come up later, in the bath or at bedtime.
- Turning it into a lesson. Listening is enough.
Frequently asked questions
What if my child never wants to talk about feelings?
Try games (like the weather one) instead of direct questions, and start by sharing your own. Some children talk more while walking or drawing than sitting face to face.
Is it normal to feel two things at once?
We often feel mixed things. Saying so out loud as a family helps make it something you can talk about naturally. If you're worried about how your child is feeling, talk to their pediatrician.
Does talking about feelings improve emotional intelligence?
We don't promise outcomes. Talking about how we feel is simply one way of getting to know each other better as a family.
How we think about it at Paseo y Pista
In The Six-Letter Mystery, our first family adventure for ages 6 to 9, there's a moment at the end of the walk to share how it went and how everyone felt. The idea is that the conversation comes naturally, while the adventure is still fresh.
Keep reading: Planning and decision-making at 6–9 and Screen-free walks: observation games.
Sources
- American Academy of Pediatrics, HealthyChildren.org: Healthy Mental & Emotional Development: 4 Key Building Blocks
- American Academy of Pediatrics, HealthyChildren.org: Everyday Ways to Talk About Mental Health: Tips for Families
This article offers general ideas for families. It is not a substitute for advice from health or education professionals.